Help. I need a lifeline.

*Disclaimer: This post is about knowing vulnerability and knowing when you need to call for the lifeline. Thank you to everyone who reached out.

________________________________

Today was a hard day. Something happened. I won’t get into the specifics, but it sucked.

This is to the friends who pick up when you say “I need to be talked off the ledge, help.”

To the people who arrive with no judgement, a hug and they just say “I hear you had a hard day.” Then offer an embrace.

Today, there will be no photo. No cartoons. No quips. No bullshit.

Nothing but words tonight. Thank you very much.

Just me. Just words.

Some shit happened.

At first, it was just something ordinary. Something I could handle. Something fucked up, but basic. Shit was askew. A bit crooked.

With a bit if time, it morphed. It wasn’t so simple.

Was it?

Something a bit askew stems from a foundation that is… askew. The flaw is built in. It is fundamental.

I wanted answers. I wasn’t crazy. I deserved answers. Why was it askew? Why wasn’t I being assured? Why was I being ignored?

This.

This, it wasn’t minor. It was my future. Let’s not pretend. It was my life.

Panic.

It settled in. Enveloped me in it’s folds. Like a blanket.

Like a tide.

An overwhelming feeling of suffocating.

Drowning.

Overwhelming.

Gasp.

Stop.

I grasp for breath.

Stop.

Don’t let it drown me.

Help. I need a lifeline.

That’s all.

Suppress the panic. Don’t let it drown me.

It is actually okay.

.

.

.

Hello?.

.

.

.

Can we talk?

Can you talk me off the ledge?

.

.

Take me somewhere else?

.

Help me find my breath?

Can we break the despair?

Can I stop me from being me?

Yes.

Hello?

How are you?

Let’s talk.

How’s about distracting random bullshit that doesn’t relate to anything at all?

Okay.

Yes.

Breathe.

Full. Deep. Free.

Breath.

7 thoughts on “Help. I need a lifeline.

  1. Kimi – I send all my love and comfort your way. I am here for you – always with open arms, open heart and no judgement. We all have to walk our own path and when one of our warrior sisters is struggling – we will come to the rescue. Until you raise your strength and you stand – we will stand around you to protect you! Hang tough my warrior niece!

  2. Hi, Kimi! Long time, no see. It’s lonely out there all by yourself on a motorcycle. I know. I’ve ridden since I was 15.

    Sometimes you have a negative thought. That triggers fear and gives you an awful feeling in the pit of your stomach. The feeling reinforces the thought and generates more negative thinking that intensifies the fear and awful feeling. Etcetera.

    If that’s what’s up, you can stop it. Close your eyes and breathe. Think about the multidimensional being of light that you are. Stop in a diner. Ask your waiter about his life and leave him a big tip. Talk with a child. I’m not saying it’s easy, but you can do it. You can break the feedback loop if you want.

    Or maybe I totally misunderstood what you were writing about. It’s rather presumptuous of me to offer advice.

    Ride on and it will pass!

    1. Hi Bill,

      I haven’t hit the road yet. Starting soon. I am still in the planning phase at my starting point in CA.

      Thank you for the thoughts and advice. Negative thoughts can creep in even when your not on the road and you hit that feeling on its head.

      This post/poem was about exactly what you just said – recognizing it and stopping it. Thank you.

  3. It’s been awhile…. sending you support and positive vibes…. I may not know about 2 wheels on a motorcycle, but I do on a bike…. think about a marching band…. and those crazy kids who play the trumpet while walking around the field as the main event…. while the football team plays the warm up and warm down 🙂

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